1/7/00
Greetings Readers! Sorry I've been off
"the air" for so long. Hubby and I moved to a new house
at the same time my relief housemom decided to take some days
off. Has been quite the nightmare. Webmaster had PROMISED to
post a note to you all, letting you know I would be gone for
a few weeks but obviously he didn't. <G> (Good shot Webbie
baby!) Hope you all survived the bug! And speaking of bugs, I
see many of you are bugged concerning the last letter. (See archives)
Here are just some of the letters I received:
> Mama,
wow, this man was a grade-a sucker! He was captured by a trained
professional who probably should win a lifetime achievement Oscar
from the academy. I've never been smart enough, or poker-faced
enough to play this game, but I know girls who do and yes, they
make more money than me, have customers bringing them gifts,
buying champagne, spending their paychecks on them. I always
wondered what I was doing wrong, I guess I've just come across
as "too happy" and guys fail to care about me. In fact,
I've approached lovesick puppies like him in the club before,
to be brushed off while they wait for their beautiful soulmates
to come, sob on their shoulders and wring their wallets dry.
And I do hope he realizes that when a girl you're paying to take
her clothes off says "I'll call you" that it's just
a line, we all say it. I also think his wife could do better
with someone else who actually cares about HER feelings, her
concern about her own children and when he works "late"
he's really doing just that. Of course, the stripper was in it
for the money, that's why she's at the club, it's a job. He's
failed to see that his wife is in it for him and their children,
for the long haul. But I guess that's why we have a ton of strip
clubs in Dallas, and only one male club for women. If he feels
cheap, it's because he is, he sold himself for a really small
price, he's just as much as whore as the stripper was, only she
wasn't deluding herself (I don't think). I hope for his and his
marriage's sake that he stays the hell away from strip clubs.
- A dancer
(Thank you Dancer, you are one of the
few that agreed with me on this. More comments later. )
Mama, I can't believe you were so rude
and harsh to a man who opened up and told you his story. I understand
that he wasn't faithful to his wife and 2 kids, but I can also
understand hurt feelings. He seemed to be interested in this
girl and his heart was stepped on over and over when he showed
that he cared. I know this is no excuse for infidelity, but give
the guy a break. He realizes now that he screwed up. The personal
attacks from you only indicate similar problems in your own marriage/relationships
(sounds a little biased). Remember, these guys have feelings
too. What about attacking the girl for leading him on to caring
for her and putting her before his own family. Is that fair?
A disappointed daughter (dancer)
(Dear Daughter - WHO'S hurt feelings?
His or the wife's??)
I think I know the guy that wrote that
letter. I think he is a nice guy. There are girls out there that
like to F with guys, whether they are married or not. I wonder
if this guy survived his marriage? I know the girl, she did get
out of the business, she wanted out. The married guys are safe;
it just makes a mess out of everyone's lives. I think that letter
indicates that. People remember, hearts are at stake at strip
clubs. It can get beyond sex and money! Angel (Any more heroes
out there?)
(Angel - More on who wrote the letter
later)
Mama Mia! Boy meets girl, girl like
boy, or whatever. Give this boy a break! That's what always happens
when boy first goes to tit bar!!! They cannot tell which way
is up, so to speak! This was very obvious. Boy and girl like
each other, but whoa, boy has other girl and does not know what
to do. He likes other girl and is very confused. Girl like boy,
but boy like other girl, or maybe both. You missed Mama, and
so did they! Jane
(Jane - I will have to agree with you
on the effects of boy and girl getting mixed up but this boy
was married, happily - so he said)
These are just some of the letters I received.
Most feel I was too hard on him. But it seems that some readers
have lost sight of something. I would ask the women that disagree
with me two questions... "What if you had been his wife??"
And, "What if he had brought a venereal disease home to
you?"
Also, check the archives and read the letter again, there are
just too many discrepancies in his story. I tried to point some
of them out. For instance, what dancer would be too "uncomfortable"
dancing for a customer? Especially dancing fully clothed? Yet
the dance was "a little intimate". Give me a break!
When he went back alone the next week, she asked him about his
marriage and he told her it was fine, but he was thinking of
her?? Get real! When he left after the second visit, two weeks
passed, she didn't call, why didn't he just get on with his life?
Why did he go back again? Not a sign of a happy marriage if you
ask me. If the only reason he couldn't stop thinking about her,
was that he was worried about her welfare, then why go back again,
nervous, wondering "did she really care about me."
And "I needed an answer". Yet he said, "I thought
I was just trying to help someone…" I will agree that
he was one mixed up character.
Just so that the readers don't feel I
am a cold-hearted bitch I also state that, yes, he got took,
and yes there are dancers out there that make money anyway they
can, playing it and the customers for all they're worth. My gripe
with this particular letter was that it was a phony. I found
out that the guy that wrote this letter isn't even married. In
fact he enjoys sprouting off about living the life.
Looking at the situation in general, I
cannot feel any sympathy for a man that claims to be HAPPILY
married, being side tracked by a dancer or any woman for that
matter. There are too many out there that remain faithful to
their wives. Not only that, but any man that is going to screw
around or has screwed around on his wife, should think about
HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Not all diseases
show up even within a year. I know of one man that gave his wife
syphilis. She got pregnant not knowing until it was too late.
Needless to say, the child suffered too. I adamantly tell any
man or woman that is going to or has had sex with a partner that
they are not sure is "safe", (and they won't always
tell you) make you doctor your best friend. It's not worth the
chance. Attractions and emotions don't cancel out viruses, germs
and bacteria. Your partner may not even know they are carriers.
DON'T TAKE THE CHANCE!
I realize that in this business of titillation,
emotions are bound to arise. Attractions are going to be formed.
The whole of topless and nude dancing is to create fantasies
for men. Both men and women that are into this world away from
the real world, are vulnerable to certain "side affects"
of meeting like this. Women get emotionally hurt by men they
meet at this job too. In fact, I'd love to hear from the women
that have had an experience like this. What's your side of the
picture? Do you know a friend that got "took" or emotionally
hurt by a customer?
For those that have written to me and
haven't seen their letter posted yet, be patient, it will be.
Until then, thanks for all the input! Keep em' comin' !
Mama
12/30/99
Got this letter the other day and although
if it isn't smuck I answer, I was soooo tempted to toss it...
Mama - in response to one of your letters,
I would like to add this... I am a professional Male about 40
years old, married with 2 young children. 3 years ago, I was
out of town traveling. A friend of mine asked me if I wanted
to get a beer. He took me to a gentleman's club. I never frequented
these places. I was happily married and felt a little uncomfortable.
A lady approached me and sat down, She asked me several questions
about myself, personal not about money, etc. I told her I was
married. She then told me that she left an abusive husband and
had no other choice but to dance to make the kind of money she
needed, She told me she had to dance to support her 4 kids. She
further told me that no man would have her that she had not dated
for over six months. This lady was attractive and I felt a little
sorry for her. I asked mer if she would dance for me, (I had
never had anyone dance for me.) She said no, that she would feel
too uncomfortable dancing for me, etc. She did dance for me;
with her clothes ON. It was a clean dance, she felt uncomfortable
and so did I. Anyway, it was a little intimate. I left but could
not stop thinking about her. She kissed me on the cheek and said
goodbye.
I went back to the club a week later. I did not think she would
remember me. I thought maybe she was looking at me, but she never
approached me. As I was ready to leave, I walked up to her. She
looked sad so I handed her a $20 and told her to buy her kids
a pizza. She looked t me and said, "I thought you hated
me, you would not even see me on stage". Well we talked
a bit and she asked me for my phone number. She asked e how my
marriage was, etc. My marriage was fine at this point, but I
did tell her that I thought about her and wanted to make sure
she was ok. I left. She never did call...I went back a couple
of weeks later on business and found myself compelled to see
if she was alright, because she had not called. She said she
could not page me or call my voice mail because I was married.
I said OK. I started caring for this lady, I felt sorry for her.
I had her dance for me. As she danced for me, she asked me if
we could go out. I told her, "you won't call me because
I am married but you want to go out?" I got a little nervous
and left. I could not stop thinking about this lady; did she
really care about me? I now needed an answer.
I went back the following week, I was very nervous. She came
right up to me and sat down. She again was down about something.
I could not let this go on like it was going. I looked at her
and asked her if she wanted to go out with me shy didn't she
call me. She again said, "because you are married!"
I then said, "then there is only one thing I can say - Good
bye". She looked at me and got mad. She went to the bar
and sat down.
Now Mama, I always treated this lady with the most respect. I
was always pleasant, sweet, and concerned. I should have walked
out the door at this point...but again I wanted to make sure
she was all right. I walked up to her to make sure she was OK,
she was not, she was mad! I asked her to look at me, she wouldn't.
When I pulled her chin toward me to look at her, she was crying.
That did it, I fell for her. I asked her why she was crying and
she said because things just weren't going so good. She needed
money for the kids, etc. Like any other guy that hadn't played
this "game before, I caved in so easy! I handed her $222
and asked if this would help. She asked me if I would stay in
town and have a beer with her after work... I regret that I did.
She came to my hotel, I was scared and the inevitable happened.
I did not expect it; I was so scared and nervous. She left the
next morning and my life has never been the same. I had not been
with another woman, not even kissed another woman in 12 years.
It is just as much my fault. I thought she cared about me. I
wanted to win her heart. I am not a bad looking guy, but I pretty
much though this was some kind of mid-life thing..could another
lady really care for me?
Needless to say, I found out she dated and slept around with
a lot of men. I really believed that she sat at home every night
taking care of her 4 kids, that is what she told me. When she
saw me talking to another girl in her club, (the girl and another
girl gave me the run down on her. They told me she left with
a different man every night, did drugs, etc. I was devastated.
I guess she knew what the girls were telling me. She got mad
and told me to leave. I did! But again I say, I was torn up!
These ladies can really "act". A big part of me thought
she really cared....I would get "hangups" at my house
after each time I saw her. These calls really messed with my
head. I always wondered if they were from her. The caller ID
always said "Unavailable" I am still mad at myself.
I get so angry t myself for still caring, wondering if she was
all right. She wouldn't even remember my name. I mer her kids
and remember their manes, birthdays, etc. I was played as bad
as anyone. I have very little respect for myself and still can't
believe I fell for her. This is just a different side of a dancers'
story. Not all men are jerks, some like me are weak. I had it
all, a beautiful wife, children, house, career..I thought I was
just trying to help someone, I really thought I could be her
"hero". I was just another customer, and a big FOOL!
- BW
Well BW, I gotta hand it to you, you're
a duzzy ok. And you've definitely been living the life. Just
for the fun of it, I think I'll start at the top of your letter
and go from there. I sure hope the other men out there get the
drift as I did.
You are a professional man, HAPPILY married,
with 2 kids and have never frequented "these places".
She said NO when you asked her to dance. (Someone had to be persistent
then.) The lady was "uncomfortable" dancing for you
even with her clothes on. (A professional, experienced dancer??)
So you went back again. (Lots of trips for someone living out
of town. Must have a very lonely wife and kids. I would have
thought that you would have moved the whole family to this town
you have to go to all the time, instead of traveling there so
much.) Anyway, you passed out a pager number and voice mail number
the minute she asked for them, and got upset because she didn't
call.
Later you went back to the town on more
business and went back to a place you don't frequent and feel
uncomfortable in. You had her do another dance for you that you
don't get. (Did she have her clothes on this time too?) She makes
a move on you and instead of you thinking of the wife and kids,
you got nervous because the dancer hadn't called, wondering if
the dancer cares for you? (I would have asked the wife if SHE
cared for you at this point! But guess you didn't need to know
that).
So you went back the following week to
a place you don't frequent - soooo nervous. (Was it worry that
the wife would find out?) The poor dancer was feeling down again
and of course you had to spend your worry and concern on her.
You couldn't let this go on. She had asked you one time to go
out, and you declined, it was dropped but this next time you
saw her, you felt she wanted to go out with you "so bad"
and wouldn't phone you because you were married. OK..... (It's
your story; you can tell it anyway you want I guess). So anyway,
you said Goodbye. Only being the sweet, innocent, concerned man
that you are, you stayed in the titty club and chased her down
at the bar because she got mad at you. (Is this the way you handle
spiffs with the wife? Making sure the wife is OK too?)
Well your "game" proceeded and
you stayed in town and had a beer with her after work. (Guess
she was working the early shift, as you obviously had to buy
the beer somewhere.) You then brought her to your hotel or gave
her the name and room number and she left her four kids at home
to sleep with you. (Did I mention the wife and two kids sleeping
at home too?) She left the next morning leaving you feel dirty
and degraded because you'd been taken advantage of. It must have
been horrible. Did you two get any sleep at all? You are sick
with worry because you wanted to win her heart. (To go on the
shelf with the wife's heart I suppose) Poor man. (Were you an
abused child too?)
OK, you found out she dated and slept
around with a lot of men. (This is when you went back to the
kind of club that you never go to and after she had left you
so degraded, right?) Being single, with no commitments but the
kids, I'd say it was her right to do as she pleased like a lot
of married men do. But she led you to believe that she sat at
home with the kids. The dancer sitting at home with the kids
impressed you a lot more than the wife sitting home with YOUR
kids, I guess. But when you found out she wasn't the pure sweet
thing you "thought" she was, and that she did drugs,
and slept with a different man every night, did you go to the
doctor for tests to see if you had picked up anything? Or did
you just take your wayward little masterpiece to the wife without
worry. After all, it had that romp in bed with her just like
every other man did, right? Guess you did, as you say you were
"torn up". DID the wife get tested too or has she got
to sample your masterpiece since the encounter with this obvious
whore? As you know, some diseases, if not found early with testing,
don't show up for years later, then it's too late. And at the
rate you're going, you may not know WHO gave it to you.
You never did tell how you got to meet the kids that you remembered
the birthdays, names of etc. Was that before the motel or after?
(Bet you're one of those sweet guys that always remember the
wife's birthday and your anniversary too!)
No, BW, not all men are jerks, but from a scale of 1 - 10, I'd
say that you rate a 14 at least. And I think this was just a
big ruse you wrote to see what I would say. Congrats, you made
some interesting reading for our DFW Nites visitors!
12/21/99
Thanks ever so much for your responses!
Keep em' commin' <g>. Don't miss continually checking the
site, There are some letters coming up that will blow you away!
(The site us usually updated on Sundays). As I've stated, I answer
them in the order they arrive.
A couple questions I've been asked I need
to expound on; one is asking where I work. I CANNOT tell you,
as it wouldn't be fair to the other clubs, nor the entertainers
where I work. (Although I'd LOVE to have you come flocking to
"my" club and spend LOTS of money! LOL!) Neither can
I tell you where an entertainer works, as that is also not fair
to clubs or other entertainers, and, some really don't want their
names used. This column is based on truth, as all my writing
work has been done. When I speak of "entertainers"
or "customers" I am not singling out any specific one
although, "if the shoe fits, wear it". I have been
a housemom in more than two clubs in the Metroplex. I have had
other reasons to visit many clubs talked to the dancers, and
am friends with many managers and owners, so it gives me insight
and access to the opinions and thoughts of many in the industry
to make the statements I do in this column.
Mama- ...my biggest
pet peeve is about wasting the customer's time. Several times
over the past few years, I have had dancers agree to come by,
then fail to do so for hours if ever. In some cases this may
be a brush-off, in others, simply a matter of better paying customers,
or perhaps an airhead embolism has clotted her higher brain functions.
Whatever the reason, it is unprofessional for a dancer to leave
a customer waiting for more than an hour without informing him
of if or when the dancer will be available. Not only is the inconsiderate
dancer liable to lose the customer as a potential regular, but
she is also taking money away from her fellow dancers as the
upset customer leaves instead of switching to available dancers.
Wasting my time and drink money waiting for a dancer that never
shows is just about the tops on my pet peeve list. Dancers are
earning a professional wage and should act accordingly in dealing
with their clientele - that includes following through on commitments
and dealing professionally when those commitments will not be
honored. - Breasthound
Dear Breasthound - I do understand your
frustrations. I have heard almost the same thing from the dancers;
customers that tell a girl "come back in a little bit".
Each time she goes back he still puts her off then ends up leaving
without so much as a "maybe next time" or, after the
second time she checks, she sees someone else dancing for him.
That causes negative feelings directed at both the customer and
the other dancer. Not to mention that after a few customers like
this, a dancer takes a "not now" as a "not tonight
if ever". Like you, they just wish the customer would tell
them, "I like you but you're not my type" or something
like that. Something YOU could do to not "waste your time"
waiting for the girl is to ask a waitress to go get her. If she
declines again, then look to another dancer. I agree that it
is unprofessional for the dancer to leave a customer waiting
for over an hour, but a customer that decides to leave or not
come back, based on ONE dancer's attitude or un-professionalism,
is not actually being fair to the club or the other dancers.
I don't consider sitting and watching the other dancers on stage
while waiting for a certain dancer, a waste of time or drinking
money. I fail to see how she is taking money away from other
dancers just because she wasn't there to get it. It's the customers'
choice to cop an attitude and leave instead of switching to other
dancers. The customers are in control of who they give their
money to. Sorry hound, a thumbs down to you this time.
Hey Mom! - Thanks for
posting my email and answering it. As far as my conduct, BO and
conversation while I'm at a club, I try to be a perfect gentleman
and I always wear CK One. (Where are you sweetie, I'm coming
over!) The dancer I was referring to wasn't sitting with anyone,
she was making the rounds trying to hustle $. Her stage name
is B--------- at ****. Thanks again for all the insight - J.
J- You're a sweetie, hope the girls take
notice of what happened to you. :) See archives
Mama - I think you
are on target by suggesting the men act like gentlemen, but I
don't think you stressed the importance of the ladies acting
like entertainers. I've worked/-frequented clubs for 10 years
now. I've dated girls whom I've met while working and also as
a customer, I know that when a girl is interested, it is obvious,
and it is equally obvious when she is just doing her job and
not interested in anything other. I do feel that a girl who sits
down and complains about her rent being due, her feet hurting.
etc. etc, is bringing herself down from exotic goddess to partially
clothed cute girl. I know one girl in this city that I have worked
with before that always acts professional, so much so that I
even feel somewhat intimidated by her, although we talk at length
at times. If we as an industry present ourselves as what we want
to be perceived as, our reality will be much ore likely to be
a pleasant one. As a manager, I can either come across as an
arrogant man who is around sexy ladies, or as a fun person who
appreciates the company of a customer. I enjoy your insights.
Thank you - FB
FB - I couldn't agree with you more. If
I didn't know better, I'd say that you're one of MY managers!
Most customers and many managers do tend to forget just WHO the
dancers are. Entertainers are comprised of several categories
of women. Some are just getting out of High School and into the
real world. (If you can call it that) They have had no experience
or guide to teach them how to act professional. Many times what
they see, they emulate. As young women still in their teens,
many just don't understand what it is like to be a fully developed
woman in actions also. They have learned what the fully developed
body can do and that is all they know. In their later years they
will reflect back and shrink with horror at some of the things
they've done or said that lessened their status as a professional
entertainer. I know - I still do.
Some dancers are more experienced, hardened
by several years of struggling, bad boyfriends/husbands or life
just not turning out (so far) the way they wanted; Beautiful
on the outside, bitter on the inside. It's always been that 90%
of the time; a girl is treated like she shows she wants to be
treated. Ladies, the image you put forth with your customers
is the image they will see. The customers get enough griping
and "pity-parties" in the real world. They come to
you to get away from it. Sure you might get one or two to feel
sorry for you, but in the same moment, he will lose respect for
you.
Appearances are the same way with an entertainer
concerning her costumes, make-up and hair. She will be looked
upon and placed with the class she keeps herself. Dull, brittle,
un-arranged hair, no make-up, and non-professional costumes are
death to a dancer. SIGHT is the number one thing that turns a
man on. Ask any man. I have hated it when my girls wear dresses
that look "second class" but at times it's a losing
battle trying to get them to change. They come to me whining
that they can't make any money and God forbid that I make any
suggestion on how they look. I believe that if you're a professional,
LOOK THE PART - ACT THE PART. Dress to create an illusion of
luxury and class. Enhance your features as much as possible with
make-up to match the particular costume. Do what ever it takes
to have healthy shiny hair. I hate to hear a girl brag to me
that she's a "professional", when she has last nights
dinner in her teeth, hair that looks like she can't afford shampoo,
wearing stage clothes that should be donated to Goodwill or lounging
around the house in. Couple this with her face washed out on
stage or lost in the darkness because she isn't wearing any make-up.
(And she can't understand why she isn't getting tipped or table
dances??) ICK!!
Enough of my soapbox speeches! It's been
fun - see you next time around!
Hugs from Mama!
12/11/99
Well the Holidays are upon us! Turkey
Day is over and now begins the race to see how much money you
can spend frivolously on gifts that are returned or you really
wanted for yourself! I mentioned to my hubby that I wondered
just how many men went to work the day after thanksgiving, with
turkey sandwiches in their lunchboxes! - And we still have Christmas
dinners to enjoy! Don't you wish these meals would come more
than once a year? I had to laugh at one of the girls the other
day when she was pigging out on food offered by the club. She
commented, "I might as well rub this on my butt instead
of putting it in my mouth, because it's going to end up there
anyway!"
Hope you men tip generously the next few
weeks. Remember these gals are now not only trying to pay their
bills, but the little ones are hoping for a great Christmas from
mom. Give the gals some extra so they can make this Christmas
special for their kids. OK??
Hi Mama. Thanks for your insight. Maybe
at some point you could discuss one of the great lap dance mysteries,
the self-inflicted ass-slap. Most guys just don't get it. (The
first time I saw it, I almost thought I was being encouraged
to spank her - which would probably be much more interesting).
What's the dancer's perspective on the ass-slap? - S
Ha!Ha! well "S" I think you've
answered your own question! Yes it is a provocative move, and
obviously it does bring on certain urges in a man. The gals say
that the men enjoy it and that it has the sound of "flesh
beating against flesh". A fantasy fulfilled by sound I guess.
Interesting thought, eh?
Mama - another good column, especially
your reply to N's problem. I meet with that every night as well.
Men don't seem to understand the line between fantasy and reality.
In fact if you could do a whole column responding to the men's
confusion on the dating issue, that might help. It seems like
you understand. Try to make them understand too. Thanks for giving
them a polite, firm NO! As always, good work. Bye - Toni
Thanks Toni! - Appreciate the compliment!
As you noticed, I once more tried to cover the subject in last
weeks column. (See archives) I try to answer letters in the order
they are received. Sometimes it sorta throws the subject matter
out of sync. (lol!) The subject of men asking dancers for dates
seems to be an omnipresent subject tho. I only wish that I could
reach ALL the customers in the Metroplex. The readers of this
column can help by telling your friends and associates about
this site. Would you please? Thanks!
Mama - It's fun to read your column.
I have always been strangely attracted to housemoms :o) I was
spurred into action writing you because of this comment: "Of
course my dance isn't going to be as good for the guy who comes
in twice a week and gets 2 table dances vs. the guy who comes
in once a week and gets 10 dances." This attitude is pretty
shortsighted. Any person in business will tell you that repeat
customers are gold. The guy who gets 4 dances a week should get
great dances too. You never know when that bonus check will come
in, or the guy's economic situation will get better, so he can
spend more. Similarly, you never know when the 10-dance guy will
go bankrupt and back to jail. - DeaconBlues
Thanks Deacon, well said. - I have to
agree with you wholeheartedly. ALL table dances should be your
best. You never know which customer sitting just a couple tables
away, is watching and asking himself, do I want a table dance
from her? Her performances are not only on stage, but also on
the floor. A customer could have noticed her when she passed
by him on the way to the 4 dance a week customer, and thought
about asking for a table dance later. If her performance is shitty,
then he'll obviously regret the thought. Perhaps a new customer
has just walked in and immediately notices a guy getting a table
dance from her. First impressions DO matter! It's sad when a
dancer has this attitude. It will hurt her in the long run. Too
many dancers complain they are having a bad night, and wish their
"regulars" would come in. Seems to me that good table
dances create regular customers.
Housemother - It is so nice to hear
pleasant commentaries about lady like dancers. I can't help but
feel that I know you. You have been around for a while, I hope
that you stay around for a while linger. Please take care of
these young ladies because I am one of them. What club did you
move to? Peace and Tenderness - Krickett
Krickett - Thank you for you sweet complement.
I have had the tendency to love all my "babies" I work
with, as though they were my own daughters. I try to give them
the love and understanding they deserve. Dancing isn't the most
emotional rewarding job out there. In fact, it brings a lot more
pain than joy. I am one of the few housemoms that cook for my
young charges, whether the clubs require it or not. I realize
that these meals may be the only ones some girls get for the
day, because they have so many bills at home to pay. They can't
afford to feed themselves and the children too. I've known of
some girls that are actually living out of their cars, at the
beginning of their careers. Few customers realize the dancers'
situations because the dancers are such good performers - actresses,
pretending they have it covered. Behind the Dreams there is another
world. A world apart from horny men, booze and sexuality.
I've rubbed tired and aching feet, cramped
and distorted from wearing the high-heeled shoes the men seem
to like. Bunions the size of quarters on the balls of their feet,
and blisters, even to the extent of bleeding feet. Monthly cramps
so bad they come off stage and cry in the privacy of the dressing
room, and can't go home because the boss won't let them on threats
not to come back if they do. Yet on stage they smile, flirt,
and let each man think they're his dream fulfilled. Holding hair
over the "great white throne" because some ass-hole
put something in their drinks, and thought it was funny. I've
seen them dancing with 102 fevers, pulled backs, pneumonia, asthma,
kidney infections and even leukemia. All to keep the bills paid.
But the customers never suspected.
At the end of the shift, sitting on the
hard, wooden benches, gratefully, gingerly taking off their shoes
when they didn't dare earlier, the feet would have swollen so
bad they wouldn't have been able to get their shoes on for the
next set. But the customers didn't know.
Going home to look in on the little ones,
wanting to take them in their arms and tell them it was all for
them, but not waking them, because they're good mothers. Falling
into bed still dressed, to grab a few hours sleep before time
to wake, fix breakfast and get the children off to school. After
all, it's a few precious moments they will get to spend with
the little one. Maybe back to bed for another quick nap if the
phone doesn't ring or house needs cleaned or errands to run.
Single moms don't have anyone to help them. School out, mommy
helps with homework while getting ready to go back to work. Not
prime time spent but at least it's some time. But the customers
don't know.
No one to talk to but the sister dancers
and "mom". Women need to talk - about anything. It
helps them deal with the problems and situations they're not
talking about. Husbands and boyfriends don't usually understand.
After all she's the one getting naked for other men. The undertone
of resentment is there and a dancer feels it. Mom understands.
But the customers don't know.
Men, be good to your dancer. She's a person
too.
Til next time, Hugs from Mama!
12/3/99
Last week I didn't get to cover all I
wanted to cover with "Jeff's" post. (See archives)
He not only addressed the way some dancers treat their customers,
but also commented on the "boring, lackluster dancing on
main stage". He is right. I would guess that at least 40%
of the dancers aren't putting their all into their work. Ok,
you gals can blast me if you want, but that doesn't deter from
the truth.
At work, I have had many occasions where
I can go on the floor and watch my girls at work. More than once,
I've "counseled" them on stage appearance. Usually
it's when a girl is complaining she isn't getting any table dances
or tips. When a girl comes in and comments that they "just
aren't tipping", and I know other girls are getting tips,
I watch her next set to see what is wrong. Ten to one, she is
dancing like Jeff described.
Entertainers HAVE to realize that they
are just that, entertainers, getting paid by tips, to entertain.
Usually, if you're not doing your work, you're not getting paid.
Sure there are times when the crowd just isn't a tipping crowd
and no one wants a dance, but it's up to the girls to change
their mind! Face it ladies, you can set the mood of the crowd
by your own mood. If you get out there, and have a ball regardless
if anyone else seems to be enjoying themselves or not, you CAN
make a difference! It's like laughing, one gets the giggles,
the next thing you know, the whole room is giggling and most
of then have no idea why they are. Fun, smiles, laughter are
all contagious. Even back in my dancing days, when you had fun,
let yourself leave outside problems outside, and got involved
with the crowd, it paid off. Not only do you feel better yourself,
but the tips will start coming in. It's a given. Girls, you should
make it a challenge to see how many customers you can put into
a good mood. That's why they are there! They want something from
you they aren't getting out in the real world. Their fantasies
don't include grumpy women, (they get sour faces at home!) and
deadbeats. There is nothing sexy about a dull, lifeless woman.
Men will tip a lot faster to a gal that is having a good time
rather than one that expects the men to provide the good mood.
So you say you just don't feel like it.
Then you never should have come to work that day. Your negative
vibes can ruin more than just your day. Customers pick up on
them and so do your sister dancers. You are entertainers, just
like actresses. They can't say they can do a film just because
they "don't feel like it" and you can't do a shitty
job on the stage either. If you can't stay home because you're
in a bad or sick mood, then act like you're NOT in a bad mood
or sick. It's a given, that men will RETURN to a club that has
an upbeat atmosphere because they feel good when they're there.
So ladies, leave them with a good impression. Make them want
to come back for more. Give them a happy feeling to remember
you by. It's well worth it.
OK ladies, I'll let up on you now. You know I love you and only
want the best for you. You know what mama says, "It's for
your own good."
Mama - ...What I want you to cover
sometime, is the whole asking for a date thing. Please give more
coverage to the fact that dancing IS JUST A JOB!!! Since a lot
of men read your column, I think you might be able to convince
them to either ask politely and take "no" as an answer
(not harassing the girl in the parking lot or following her home,
yes, my experiences), or don't insult either of us by asking
at all. This is a big irritating issue with me. Maybe something
will sink in if you advise them. (#1 rule: always let the girl
make the first move). "Anyway, good column last week and
this week as well. How about doing a longer column? People seem
to be wanting that. Keep up the common sense, we all need it.
Bye - Toni
Thank you Toni! - I lightly covered that
issue mentioned in Nol's letter in the column posted 11/7/99.
I agree that it needs to be addressed more in depth. Yes, a lot
of men read the column, and I hope that the ones that have been
bugging the gals are in the group. I can only "speak "
to the ones that visit this site. (Wish I could find all of em'
and talk sense to them!) But here goes -
Guys, 98% of the gals are not working as escorts or hookers.
They are not there to pick up men. They are not there to be harassed.
They are, basically, showgirls, doing what they are supposed
to do; i.e. entertain. They are to be treated with the same respect
as a Rockette in Vegas. They have made the decision to get topless/nude
for you to earn a living, but that is where the line is drawn.
They are working in a "Gentleman's Club" where men
are expected to act like GENTLEMEN! If you want a HOT date, then
go to the clubs where you KNOW you won't insult the dancers by
asking for "dates". Keep the classier gals classy in
your hearts and minds. She is there to create and keep a fantasy
in your minds, not to fulfill them! You know well and good, that
once you've made your conquest, the thrill is gone. Don't degrade
her this way by asking her out. Keep the dream a dream to hang
onto. All of us know that the clubs are an escape from reality.
A place where you can get away from the outside world and it's
negative's. If you're a man that can't seem to separate reality
from fantasy, like the men that follow a gal home or harass her
in the parking lots, then you should seek counseling or just
grow up!
The gals are working mom's, college students,
getting out on their own. They're NOT doing this because they
are free for some guy that wants to get laid. They have personal
lives that are a world apart from what is in the clubs. Gentleman's
club dancing is a profession, a job to them, just as acting,
or ballet or vaudeville entertainers. If you've been graced with
her presence at the table, treat her like this. Don't treat her
like a whore, to be asked out in the hopes you can get laid.
Just because she dances nude or topless in a provocative manner,
doesn't mean she's a hooker, that means she's a good entertainer
for her field! Appreciate it and leave it at that! I've said
it before and I'll stress it again - LET THE GALS MAKE THE FIRST
MOVE! Let them get to know you, and then, if they are interested,
and free to date, they WILL get the idea across to you, that
she's interested in getting to know you better. If any of you
men have any thoughts on this or suggestions to the gals on how
to handle these situations, email me and I'll be glad to post
it. Your views are deeply appreciated.
As for a longer column, I can only write
as much as the webmaster allows. (Although many times I don't
feel I've covered as much as I could have!) Thanks so much for
all your input.
11/19/99
First of all, thanks ever so much for
all your e-mail! It helps me so much on what to cover (or uncover!)
in the column. Next to tips, nothing makes my day better than
hearing from you!
I have recently changed clubs and I must
admit that I am impressed with my new place of employment, not
only with the management, but the customers. As far as the dancers,
they have really impressed me too. Behind the scenes, there has
been no "cat fights" or "holding hair" or
even "unladylike" language commonly used in so many
clubs. Even when angry, these ladies seem to hold their cool.
For those where I work, a big thumbs up!
Housemom - Enjoy your insight. One
thing I'd like to spout off about is the boring, lackluster dancing
on main stage. If a dancer wants to get off on a good start,
and hook some interest, try to act like you're having fun. I
see a ton of girls at BD's get on main stage and look bored as
hell.
One thing about the dancers that have regulars that come to see
them. They start to get taken for granted and the dancer thinks
she can hustle money out of them at the start of the shift and
never look at them the rest of the night.
I met one dancer that was totally drop dead beautiful. I tried
to get her to sit with me, tipped her at every stage, sent her
drinks, everything I knew. She would sit for a couple of minutes
and haul ass. She did this about 3 times. Now when I see her,
I just blow her off and never tip her. I'm not a cheapskate,
I usually spend $200-$300 on a good Fri. nite. She cost herself
a bunch of money. My theory on dancers is: They're just like
waiting for a bus, miss one, and another one will be by in a
minute. Hope to hear back from you - Jeff
Dear Jeff - Sorry to hear of what happened
to you. I agree that the dancer was wrong in what she did. She
obviously missed a good thing, as in today's economy, many girls
don't clear $200 the whole night. I can't possible think of why
she was so oblivious to your attention. You didn't mention if
she was sitting with other customers or not, or what she was
doing between sets. Also, you didn't mention what the conversation
was like when she did sit with you. I'm assuming you were the
perfect gentleman with her, but many times, a girl will go to
customers that entice her as you did, and when they sit down,
they are turned off immediately by either manners or something
else that they find not worth the money. I've had them come in
and complain about a customer that was apparently going to be
a big tipper but no way would they sit with them. Just yesterday,
a girl came to me almost shivering, and said, "Mama I just
can't sit with that man another minute! All he wants to talk
about is how he can't get his wife to have orgasms! He's spending
money but - sheesh mom!" She then asked another girls to
go to him, but the others didn't want to "go there"
either. This gentleman had even started quizzing her on HER orgasms!
I have heard many things like this from the girls.
I am aware of the fact, that part of some
men's fantasies are finding someone that will talk to them the
way they wish their wives would talk to them, and listen. But
gents, please stop and notice what club you are in and whom you're
with before you open your mouth. In some clubs, where the girls
are willing to "go farther" in lap dances, this may
be appropriate, but 90% of the time, they do have standards of
what they will talk about. It depends on the club and girl.
As for this girl that Jeff mentioned,
I can't possible understand her actions unless he had BO or something
like that. Basically, she was very wrong. She could have at least
said thank you, and explained she couldn't spend time with him.
But his theory is correct, miss one and another one will come
along. There are a lot of beautiful women out there that who
would be more than glad to spend time with him. I could think
of several right now, but I can't "advertise" for any
club, wouldn't be fair.
Mama - I hope that these guys don't
think now that if they get a fully clothed dance, that they can
touch and feel around just because it' isn't illegal. If a customer
asks me to keep my clothes on and dance, he is going to get the
same dance as if I had taken every stitch of clothing off. I
don't want customers grabbing and pawing on me either way. To
say that they could get dances with more contact is misleading.
I'm still going to pull their hands away and then end up slapping
them because they don't respect my wished. The key to getting
a good table dance is not whether we keep our clothes on or off,
it's now much $$$$ these guys want to spend. Of course my dance
isn't going to be as good for the guy who comes in twice a week
and gets 2 table dances vs. the guy who comes in once a week
and gets 10 dances. Money talks mama. Clothes or no clothes.
- D.D.
D.D. - I appreciate your input. I'm sure
the gentlemen are aware that this did not apply to every dancer.
Each girl is a different person with different opinions on table
dances and what they should be. As before mentioned, the customer
should discuss this with the dancer first. She then can let him
know what kind of dance she will give. If her dance is not what
he is looking for, she should recommend another girl and pass
him up. This would be better than leading him on to think his
clothed dance will be what he wants, and then having him be disappointed.
Every customer should be told that they are not to do the touching.
As I have stressed in other columns, the girl wants to be in
control of the touching. That is that. If she is comfortable
with him touching her, then that is her prerogative, but she
let the customer know AHEAD of time. Then there will be no room
for doubt OR frustrated customers and angry dancers. Customers
and dancers should always communicate their expectations and
preferences BEFORE the dance begins.
In the nude clubs, there is no doubt.
The policy there is "Touch and Go". - You touch, You
go! I have found the girls there are totally content with the
table dances. Many have said they feel much more comfortable
giving nude dances where they KNOW they won't be touched, than
taking a chance of fending off an octopus! In some other clubs,
the girls have no problem with letting a customer touch them.
It's still a matter of the club's permissiveness and the girls'.
A CLOTHED TABLE DANCE WAS AN OPTION for customers and dancers
in answer to a previous post, not something I feel should be
the new rave.
Out of room this week, but next week,
I will cover more territory on table dances.
11/12/99
Thank you all for your great response
to last weeks' column! (See archives) It sure got the feet tapping
and hips moving just thinking about it and listening to oldies
but goodies while writing it! <g>
Mama- Great column! I loved hearing
of something that I wasn't around to see, yet still affects me
today. Have you ever thought about giving some of the girls lessons
on stage presence and performance? I'm sure they would enjoy
learning something new, something different. To my eyes, you
worked harder than we do, although less was expected of you sexually.
It sounds like a lot of fun and I'm surprised that there wasn't
the stigma attached to dancing that there is today. That probably
has something to do with changing times. I know many girls who've
tried some outstanding skits onstage and barely made $5. I think
guys aren't used to that and don't know what to do with someone
who tries to stand out. Or it requites more thinking in a topless
bar than they want to do. Still, I learned something new today.
Anytime you want to flash back, go right ahead! I thought it
was fascinating! - T
Thank you T! Yes, I have tried to teach
at one time; even just more alluring steps to help the girls
of today. For awhile, I was offering classes on Sun's at the
club where I worked. But they just weren't interested. I think
I actually insulted my girls by trying to help. So I've dropped
it. I am "Mama" and Mama isn't supposed to do or know
those things I guess. You are right about the skits too, although
they seem to go over well enough for feature dancers. I believe
that if the girl has the looks and a fun, outgoing personality,
she could do skits. In fact she would even make more tips. I
know of clubs that has actually encouraged skits. The stigma
wasn't there in the "old days", because we were actual
Dancers and Entertainers. In the bread and butter of today's
industry, the girls have to practically look like they are having
an orgasm to get a tip. I find it hard to call that entertainment,
yet, the men seem to want it. I heard secretly taped comments
from men on a recent TV show, and they seem to think that dancers
WANT to be as sexual as laws permit; that the men just don't
comprehend the girls not getting off on turning the guys on!
(If you men have any comments on this we would love the hear
them.)
As time passed, and men were given more
and more, therefore came to expect more and more. As I've stated
in the past, it's all a matter of how much a club can get away
with to make as much money as they possible can. It's guaranteed
that if it had been up to the girls, the industry would have
never changed! If the government hadn't given in to the petitions
of the clubs, the laws wouldn't have changed. Now some "Salons"
are actually supplying towels for a man to clean himself off
with after the girl is finished "dancing" and this
is legal! A far cry from the old days.
For today's dancers, I recommend a special
TV show that comes on HBO every once in a while late at night.
It is a special on the topless dancers in Las Vegas. Not only
does it tell about the lives of the dancers there, but films
them on stage. Any dancer here should watch it when it hits again
as they can learn a lot about moves and costumes. I will post
it when it is scheduled to come on again. Another subject I plan
on covering is actual stage performances.
Hi! - I really like your column and
look forward to reading the new ones. How about one concerning
this - we are entertainers ONLY and we're not going home with
the guys! I get soooooo tired of them always asking me out. It
is so frustrating to me. Thanks -N
Well you men have heard it, and this is
not the only time the girls have said this either. It's not hard
to understand that if a man sees something that really turned
him on, he would want to "shoot it, bag it and take it home!"
This is natural in a man -God bless em'. Well, girls understand
this too! They KNOW that if you'd met them at the gas station
in jeans and no make-up, you wouldn't give them the time of day.
A cardinal no-no is to ask a girl that just got naked for you,
to go out with you. She's not so dumb that she doesn't know it's
a purely sexual invitation. If she wants to get laid, she usually
has a boyfriend or husband. If she's available, then be a regular
customer and get to know her as a person, not a body. More importantly,
let her get to know YOU! Men, think about it. What self-respecting
and intelligent girl would go out with a stranger she'd just
met while naked? = NOT!
Enough for today! Keep the letters coming
and I will try to answer them as soon as I can with the limited
space. Yours is here, and as I promised, I will post it eventually.
Keep checking the DFW Nites site! - Mama
11/5/99
Welcome to Behind the Dreams!
Thank you all for your responses. If yours
hasn't shown up yet, it will, Promise!
Last week I promised to tell you about
Go-Go dancing in the 60's and how has it changed to what it is
today. Outside of it being over 30+ years ago for me, (BLUSH!
My age is showing! Eeeeek!) I will have to explain that this
view is just from one dancers' view and not necessarily the industry
enmasse, not to mention there is a lot that gets forgotten over
the years. So with that let's walk down "Dee's Dee's"
Memory Lane!
Go-Go girls were not always in cages and
mass production as seen on TV. The "bread and butter"
clubs were not like the DFW ones, but rather just bars. Some
had one or two small little stages, but usually the girl danced
literally on the tables or on the bar itself. We were entertainers
for the working stiffs or in restaurants catering to businessmen
having lunch. Usually it was just one girl who booked for a few
weeks at a time, rotating clubs and bars. When the bars opened
at 11:00AM she was there ready to entertain. Music was provided
by the jukebox and paid for by the customers. One set was three
songs non-stop. Rest for three songs and then another set. During
the rest you got to have a drink with the customers. You made
sure the music kept playing. The shift lasted until 2:00 PM.
You were off until 6:00PM returning to dance the same timed sets
until the bar closed at 2:00 AM. When there was more than one
dancer, they rotated shifts trading out days and hours. If you
got caught sitting out a song, you were jumped royally. You were
there to dance and that was that. You were paid by the hour.
Entertainers didn't get tips from the customers. The better the
girl, the more in demand and the higher pay she could command.
(I will brag that I was the highest paid dancer in my city.
<g>) The clubs always supplied a place as a private
dressing room for the entertainer. She would change costumes
every three or four sets.
The difference between exotic dancers
and Go-Go girls was the costumes and style of dancing. When "DeeDee"
did Go-Go it was boots short skirts, Hip-Huggers, and yards of
swinging fringe or shorts that covered the butt with bra-style
top usually covered with sparkling sequins or fringe. The "bras"
for some girls would sprout tassels that a talented young lady
could twirl with precision in two directions at once, not to
mention the tassels moving in sync at the same time! We were
dancers, not sex objects. Most of us made our own costumes or
paid a seamstress to do it. We would buy bras and panties and
decorate them with all sorts of things. One Girl always had a
balloon set where she would let the customers pop her balloons.
They loved it because they never knew what they would find under
all the balloons! We danced to songs like Candina, WipeOut, Knock
Three Times - you get the picture. I don't remember a slow song
during the time I did Go-Go dancing! You moved, you bubbled,
you smiled, laughed and flirted. You loved dancing or you didn't
do it. Most of the steps were no more than the ones done on the
dance floor by couples other than adding exaggerated bumps and
titty shakes. If a dancer got caught showing anything she shouldn't
she was severely reprimanded and it could cost her her job.
Imagine having your own dancer LITERALLY
doing a table dance for you! Customers would of course hold their
drinks while you danced on their table, and help you down to
move to the next one for the next song. Dancing on the bars was
a blast, maneuvering around the bottles, keeping the bartender
busy trying to guess which direction you would go next. If you
had a stage, it was usually a 4X4 corner with psychedelic lights
and strobes on you. In which case, the bar usually picked your
music for you and played it over the speakers from a record player.
Exotic dancers were different in costumes
and style of dancing. Bars that featured Exotic dancers had better
stages and you picked your own music. Costumes were exotic with
feathers, slinky glimmering long dresses, and furs doing floor
work that was more like today's dancers. I think exotic dancing
is what ushered in the topless bars. As far as touching the customer,
or even sitting on his lap, that was a total no-no. It was almost
puritanical compared to today's demands of the girls. Back then
if you told someone you were a dancer, you were looked upon with
awe and respect. Today many girls are ashamed or afraid to tell
friends and people they meet outside work, what they do for a
living.
I was asked how it has changed to what
it is today. I'm not sure, as I wasn't in the business when the
transition took place. When one thinks about it, many things
have changed in the world since then. One didn't have sex on
the first date back then, Men seemed to respect the entertainers
more then and appreciate them for the entertainment instead of
how much they can see of the girls' privates or her tits. There
were more single men in the bars then in ratio to married than
there is today. The worlds' ideas of sexuality changed and clubs
supplied the demand. As you notice as the years passed, permissiveness
had became predominant and acceptable standard. I can't ever
remember hearing of a nude show anywhere. Even when we did private
parties, bottoms were covered and the rest exposed only so the
bachelor could do some body painting - carefully.
For "DeeDee", she eventually
became a booking agent and choreographer for other dancers, handling
"Dee's Sweethearts", managing the careers of 15 other
dancers for awhile. But when the wedding bells rang, the jukebox
became silent for her.
As a housemom, I see and relate to the
entertainers of today. I sometimes wish I could get up there
and show what dancing was really like. I've seen some girls that
have real talent, but it doesn't seem to be appreciated like
it was. Some girls still try to give "skits" and do
a real show, but after a few tries, they notice it's not worth
it. They don't get as good of tips as they do just bumping, grinding
and spreading. The customers and I had fun. I made many friends
and enjoyed my work. The clubs paid a VERY high wage to me compared
to what the standard workman's pay was back then. Today, the
girls sometimes can't make enough to pay their monthly bills.
They can't take off any more clothes for money, they've gone
as far as they can go and the tips are getting less and less.
The thrill of what is behind the balloons is gone. How has it
changed? You fill in the rest.....
10/29/99
Table Dances - Lap Dances - Up Close and
Personal Dances- All seem to be what interests the customer and
dancer the most. He likes the thrill of it and she likes the
money and the feeling of her talents being appreciated. My gals
also reamed me for the previous fax paux concerning "freebies"
and asked me what on earth I was thinking!
In defense of the young lady that gave me the thought, she still
clings to the idea that it's ok if the day has been slow and
it's almost shift change, and she's only had one table dance
that day. I can feel for her and yet completely understand where
the majority is coming from too. I did mention to her that if
the customers got it from her, they would expect it from all
the gals and that just wasn't fair. Either way you look at it,
Lap Dances are the way entertainers make the money that pays
the bills. Enough on that for now.
"Hi - ........ Specifically, about
this week's column concerning girlfriends, does this apply to
females in general or only to couples? Maybe you could elaborate
about the situation when there is just a group of people that
includes females. And maybe you could elaborate more on the "remaining
covered to get more contact" issue. How common (and familiar
to dancers) is this? Why don't you think the dancer ever brings
this up as an option?" - S
Dear S - I think there is a great difference between you bringing
a special female into the club and you actually being with a
group that has some females in it. The whole thing comes down
to which one you're going to pay attention to. If a dancer sees
you are with another woman you can't be giving the dancer your
full attention. You're no good for a table dance. They are in
the club to be your entertainment, and to give you table dances.
It's the age old saga of competition and dancers don't need it,
they don't want it and they don't like it not to mention 99%
of your dancers are not bi-sexual, and dancing for women customers
usually makes them nervous.
Actually, I've heard many negative comments on men in groups
in general. When they come into the club in groups of four or
more, the managers usually try to get the dancers to "go
over there" but the gals hate to. Reason being, (from what
I hear in the dressing room) the guys seem to get into a testerone
battle and see who can impress who with insults to the dancers!
Or, they will ignore the dancer completely, and of course no
table dances. Over and over again, I've seen the battle of mgr.
Vs. dancer over a group of drunk and obnoxious men. The gals
feel intimidated being "ganged up on" by so many at
one time. Of course there is no one-on-one rapport with a group
either Which leads to the next inputs from customers.
Hi mama! - I understand what you are
saying about the lap-dances. As a gentleman who really does appreciate
the company of the beautiful ladies, I DO treat them with courtesy
and respect. If I want real sex, I'll call an 'escort'! Although
many will scoff at me, I do not want to have sex with anyone
but my spouse! But it does not hurt to look, and maybe get a
little bit of touching, without all the risks and complications
of having 'rejection-free' sex. Women's bodies are GREAT to look
at and enjoy, but the emotional fantasy of being so close to
a beautiful lady goes far deeper into our minds. COMPANIONSHIP
is a part of this situation that both sides often forget . .
.! The ladies that are usually most successful will be the ones
that can successfully mix in some emotional feeling with the
'client'. - B
Mama - you are such a lady and I agree.
If a man had a truly loving relationship, they both would not
be there. Perhaps they are there either out of curiosity or to
add excitement to their boring lives. Of course, there may be
another reason if they are repeat customers. Mama, a question,
what was the industry like in the 60's and how has it changed
to what it is today? - R
Thank you for the compliment! All us gals
love to feel appreciated! I tend to agree with you about not
having a good relationship at home and I could extend that further
too, but won't. <g> And I promise that next weeks column
will cover the 60's "Go-Go girls" and "exotic
dancers".
HI! I really like your column and look forward to reading
the new ones. How about one concerning this - we are entertainers
ONLY and we're not going home with the guys! I get sooooo tired
of them always asking me out. It is so frustrating to me. Thanks
- unsigned
Entertainers have a hard time getting
the customer to understand that they are there to fulfill a fantasy
and entertain you. The world in the club and the world outside
the club are two completely different worlds to the girls. They
are students, working moms or just trying to make a living. Most
of the dancers don't even have time to take their kids to the
movies, let alone go out with a man she's got almost naked for.
Like one gal said, "Mama I KNOW he's not interested in me
as a person! If he was to see me without makeup and dressed as
I do at home with my kids,, he wouldn't give me the time of day!"
Gentlemen, let the entertainers be your fantasy and leave it
at that. The gals have their own way if finding dates if they
want one. If they are interested in you as a date, I'm sure they
will let you know in one way or the other. For any other reason,
I suggest you find a club that "encourages" dating
the girls. You're smart enough to figure them out.
A final thought on remaining covered while
lap dancing, I don't think this is too familiar with the dancers
as they are so used to having to take the clothes off and being
grabbed at etc. I believe that it will be up to you customers
to approach the girls and teach them that it is ok with you.
The gals I've talked to about this week are really excited about
it. Many of them have said they would have no problem giving
closer dances if they were allowed to remain clothed. I think
it is something that the ladies and customers both will have
to begin mentioning to each other and eventually the concept
will spread throughout the Metroplex.
10/17/99
Greetings from Behind the Dreams!
Thank you for all the responses to last
weeks' article! There's not enough room to address every one
I received this week, so yours will be addressed in the next
column if I don't get to it today, Fair enough? Good! <g>
FIRST AND FOREMOST I received these responses from the entertainers
concerning asking for a "freebie" table dance. Obviously
it was the WRONG THING TO SAY!! Ladies, I apologize from the
bottom of my rotten heart for even thinking the majority would
go along with an idea I'd got from just one dancer. Here are
just TWO of the replies I received. GENTS TAKE NOTE!!
Speaking for myself only, doing two
dances for the price of one is ridiculous. If the guy doesn't
have enough money for the regular price of two dances then he
shouldn't get two dances. The mental strain these me put us through
and the fact that I just took my clothes off for him to show
or rub is worth the full price of a table dance. Please don't
sell us short to these guys. They know the game and will try
and take advantage any way they can. - dd
Mama, - Your column was good. But that
last part about encouraging guys to try for free dances was way
off. NOTHING is free in the club, especially dances. My first
rule to making money (the only reason I'm even at the club),
is to never, EVER do anything for free. Guys constantly try that
shit on me all the time, reading this probably encourages them.
Please don't put crap like that in your column, (unless you're
really a guy in disguise!) because it comes back to haunt us
dancers. And consider this, as a housemom, your income comes
from our tips. The more money we make, the more you make. Why
encourage girls to give it away? It hurts you too. - T
So there you go gentlemen. In their own words, the greatest fax
paux you can pull is to ask for a freebie. (And NO! I'm definitely
not a guy! )
The subject the men seemed most interested
in was the covered Lap dances. So with that here goes:
"Mama - I'm interested too in your comments about table
dances with their clothes on. What makes them different and how
does one go about asking for one?" - Willing to learn
Dear Willing - The difference between a table dance with clothes
on and one without them is: #1. They are legal if they get caught
touching you. #2 Most ladies don't feel so "open and exposed"
when they have their clothes on. Clothes are a form of "shield"
between you and their bodies. It gives them a safety factor where
they don't feel so helpless in their exposed condition against
being touched where they don't want to be touched.
The worst that can happen is she will feel grateful for the asking
and she will let you know she isn't comfortable with it. That
can actually win you a lot of brownie points in the long run
with a dancer you really like.
You can usually figure out just what kind of dance the entertainer
is willing to give by her performance on stage and the looks
on her face while dancing. If she is having fun, smiling, and
making all the "right moves" she is usually good for
a great lap dance. Also, with the stages that have LOTS of room
on them, the ones that stay up front are more "personable"
and "out going" on the floor than the ones that cling
to the mirrors in the back. If she is not sensuous or out-going
on stage, ten to one will get you she's a bad risk as a lap dance.
(And the gals agreed to this)
I asked dancers in two other clubs, about these thoughts and
they were very receptive to it. All of them said they would give
much closer dances if they were fully clothed. (As much as their
costumes cover anyway) Obviously, there is a lot more that could
be covered on this topic.
I don't think there is an entertainer
in the business that would mind you asking for a table dance
as long as you haven't gained the reputation as being an ass
hole when you get one. I would suggest that if you see a dancer
you would like to have all to yourself. First get her attention
by tipping her on stage telling her you would like to discuss
a LAP dance when she's through with her sets. When she arrives
she will more than likely mention the table dance to you but
if not, buy her a drink and open the conversation with how good
she looked on stage. Then ask her what kind of table dances she
does. If she says "no touching" ask how she would feel
about giving an up close and personal LAP dance if she left herself
fully dressed and the conversation can proceed from there.
I have many more letters to cover, and
will get to them in the next column. Webmaster has promised he
won't be so long in changing it next time! So keep checking in
with us here at DFW Nites! Meanwhile, I think I'm going to have
a drink! (I need one after the reaming I got from the gals!)
10/10/99
Greetings from Behind the Dreams!
Hope last weeks' column was educational,
I haven't heard from any of my readers yet, although I know I'm
getting hits on it. I'd really like to know your thoughts and
opinions of some of the topics I've covered! So please feel free
to write me!
Today I'd like to cover the girls' thoughts
on customers bringing their girlfriend or wife in to the club.
In the dressing room, I hear comments on this. Some of the entertainers
just can't understand why a man would come into a titty club
with his wife of girlfriend. It usually makes the dancers uncomfortable
and of course it will keep the entertainers at bay. Since the
entertainers can only make money from your tips and table dances,
I haven't heard one of them who has been asked for a table dance
from someone with their wife or girlfriend present. Nor do I
think they would be comfortable doing one with them present.
They feel they are supposed to be the main attraction in your
life when you walk in the door of the club. They automatically
know that if you're a customer that walks in with another female,
you're no good to them as a customer and actually resent having
to even get on stage when your companion is there. So if you
want to make points with ANY dancer, don't let her remember you
brought in a female at any time UNLESS you're willing to tip
megabucks to her on stage. (As you know, money talks!.)
Entertainers have their idea of the "acceptable"
perfect customer. He is appreciative of her attributes, and lets
her know in a mannerly way. He will tip her on stage, and invite
her to do a table dance for him when she's through. When she
is doing her lap dance, he will KEEP HIS HANDS TO HIMSELF unless
she lets him know it's ok to touch in the NON-PRIVATE areas.
She wants him to act like he's bound and tied and let her work
her wiles on him. The more aroused he gets, yet maintains his
composure, the more she will be willing to do for him. Basically,
she must be the one in control at all times. Her favorite customer
won't ask her to let him expose himself; he won't come down on
her if he didn't reach a climax when she danced. He will encourage
her with murmurs of appreciation and compliments. One girl just
loves it when her favorite customer groans "Oh God baby!
You're soooo good!" all the time he's having to sit on his
hands. I can guarantee you that she gives him a up close and
personal lap dance EVERY time! This customer is usually good
for two lap dances then he's done for, if you get my drift. <g>
If you hate air dances, try getting one
where she's not topless! She can do all the rubbing and grinding
to your hearts content and what comes of it is up to you! She'll
be legal and you'll get a "rubdown" you won't forget!
PLUS you can touch too! This is something else to talk over with
your dancer. Remember, she is considered fully legally covered
if her buttocks and nipples are covered. As a housemom, I get
the vibes that "air dances" would almost disappear
if she thought she could leave herself legally covered
Here's a suggestion: If you've lucked
out and got a good one, let your dancer know she was "the
greatest". Inform her that you would love to buy more lap
dances, but just don't have the money for "as many as you'd
like to get" from her. Would she give you two more for the
price of one? Or right up front, ask her if she will give you
three for the price of two. Usually a girl won't mind at all.
Remember to ask her what days she works, "so you can be
sure to come in when she's here". This makes her feel you're
just as interested in her as you are her body. How about it gals,
any comments
on this?
Copyright@1999
Material in this column may not be copied or reprinted
without the express written consent of the author.
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